長(zhǎng)篇英語(yǔ)笑話故事

　　幽默笑話我們看不少了，可逆看過(guò)英語(yǔ)笑話故事嗎?下面學(xué)習(xí)啦小編為大家整理了一些長(zhǎng)篇英語(yǔ)笑話故事資料，快跟小編一起來(lái)看看。

　　經(jīng)典長(zhǎng)篇英語(yǔ)笑話故事

　　1、My Husband Will Be Home Soon

　　A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.

　　"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

　　James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

　　"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a *y little voice...

　　"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

　　The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

　　The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

　　我丈夫馬上就要回來(lái)了

　　一個(gè)已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友”時(shí)，女朋友要求他剃去胡須。

　　“噢，詹姆斯，我喜歡你的胡子，但我更喜歡看到你英俊的面孔。”

　　詹姆斯回答說(shuō)，“我的妻子喜歡我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會(huì)殺了我的。”

　　“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一種低沉的、性感的聲音又一次說(shuō)道。

　　“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜歡這胡子。”

　　在女朋友再三請(qǐng)求下，他終于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡時(shí)，詹姆斯爬上了床。

　　妻子朦朦朧朧地摸了摸他的臉說(shuō)道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應(yīng)該在這里，我的丈夫很快就要回來(lái)了。”

　　2、Be Careful What You Wish For

　　A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

　　During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

　　The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

　　Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

　　The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

　　慎重許愿

　　一對(duì)結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

　　慶?；顒?dòng)中，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說(shuō)，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的恩愛(ài)夫妻，因此她給許給這對(duì)夫妻每個(gè)人一個(gè)愿望。

　　妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn)了一張票。

　　接下來(lái)該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說(shuō)，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人長(zhǎng)篇英語(yǔ)笑話故事長(zhǎng)篇英語(yǔ)笑話故事。”

　　仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒。“呯!”，他變成了90歲。

　　3、This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING

　　If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.

　　It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

　　It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

　　It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

　　Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

　　It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

　　Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

　　這是一個(gè)：電腦新病毒的警告

　　如果你收到一封主題是“ 倒霉透了”的郵件時(shí)，立即刪除千萬(wàn)不要閱讀。這是迄今最為危險(xiǎn)的郵件病毒。

　　它會(huì)重寫你的硬盤，不止這些，還會(huì)損壞任何離你電腦很近的磁碟。重置你冰箱的制冷度數(shù)讓好吃的冰淇淋全部化掉，牛奶也餿掉。它還會(huì)讓你的所有信用卡磁條失效，更改你在自動(dòng)提款機(jī)上取錢的密碼，你錄像機(jī)上的影像資料也會(huì)變得亂七八糟，它還利用子空間場(chǎng)諧波刮壞任何你想聽(tīng)的CD。

　　它還會(huì)把你的新電話號(hào)碼告訴你的舊情人，把防凍劑注入到你的魚缸里，它將喝光你所有的啤酒，然后，當(dāng)有人上門的時(shí)候，將它的臭襪子留在茶幾上。

　　當(dāng)你遲到的時(shí)候它會(huì)藏起你的車鑰匙，還會(huì)干擾你車內(nèi)的音響系統(tǒng)，好讓你在塞車的時(shí)候欣賞沙沙的靜電聲。

　　“倒霉透了”還會(huì)把你的洗發(fā)水換成脫毛膏，然后把你的脫毛膏換成生發(fā)液.還始終在你背后與你的現(xiàn)任情人幽會(huì)，用你的維薩信用卡支付他們的酒店浪漫費(fèi)用

　　它會(huì)色誘你的祖母，不管她在不在人世。這些都顯示了此郵件的影響力，它就是這樣毀掉了墳?zāi)箖?nèi)外所有美好的事。

　　這個(gè)郵件會(huì)使你患上荷蘭榆樹病，它會(huì)讓你的屁股永遠(yuǎn)放不到馬桶座墊上，還會(huì)把電吹風(fēng)插在放滿水的浴缸旁邊的插座上，它會(huì)肆意篡改枕頭和床墊的禁止事項(xiàng)，把脫脂牛奶換成全脂牛奶。它躲在暗處，到處寫滿了它的危險(xiǎn)和可怕，不過(guò)，它呈現(xiàn)的淡紫色到是相當(dāng)有趣的。

　　4、One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

　　"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

　　"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"

　　"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

　　一天，妻子 Sue 在整理床鋪時(shí)，偶然發(fā)現(xiàn)了一個(gè)小盒子。出于好奇心，她小心翼翼的打開了盒子，發(fā)現(xiàn)里面放了三枚雞蛋和10000美元鈔票。對(duì)于相處了20余年丈夫居然對(duì)自己隱瞞了此事，她開始感到有些疑惑不安。

　　“哦，是這樣的，”丈夫 Frank 解釋道，“每次我做了對(duì)你不忠的事，我就會(huì)在這個(gè)盒子里放一枚雞蛋。” Sue 雖然對(duì)此感到不很高興，但是轉(zhuǎn)念又一想20多年的丈夫背著她有婚外情也不過(guò)只有三次，想想也不算太壞。

　　“那么另外的那10000美元是怎么回事?”

　　“每當(dāng)雞蛋湊夠一打，我就賣了換成現(xiàn)金。”

　　5、A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am."

　　The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

　　"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

　　"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

　　"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

　　The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

　　"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

　　"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

　　一個(gè)男人在熱氣球上，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己迷失了方向。他下降高度，下方有一個(gè)婦女。他又下降了一點(diǎn)，大聲呼喊,"打擾下，你能幫個(gè)忙嗎，一個(gè)小時(shí)以前我答應(yīng)了一個(gè)朋友要和他見(jiàn)面，但現(xiàn)在我不知道我身處何地。”

　　婦女在下面回答，“你在一個(gè)熱氣球里，大約離地面三十英尺。你在北緯40-41度之間，西經(jīng)59-60度之間。”

　　“你必定是個(gè)工程設(shè)計(jì)師，”氣球上的男人說(shuō)長(zhǎng)篇英語(yǔ)笑話故事笑話大全。

　　“我是，”女人回答。“你是怎么知道的?”

　　“是這樣，”氣球上的男人說(shuō)“你告訴我的事在技術(shù)上都是正確的，但是我無(wú)法理解你的看法，事實(shí)是我依舊迷失。坦白說(shuō)，到目前為止你沒(méi)幫上我多少

　　”

　　下面的婦女回應(yīng)道，“你一定是在管理部門工作。”

　　“我是，”氣球上的男人回答，“這你是怎么知道的?”

　　“是啊，”婦女說(shuō)，“你總是不知道你在哪里，也不知道你要去哪里。你的上升，是由于大量的熱氣。你對(duì)別人許下的承諾，你不知道如何履行，而且你還期望在你下面的人會(huì)解決你的問(wèn)題。事實(shí)就是在我們見(jiàn)面之前，我們都在完全相同的立場(chǎng)上，可現(xiàn)在，不知怎么地，卻成了我的錯(cuò)了。”

　　搞笑的長(zhǎng)篇英語(yǔ)笑話故事

　　1、Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.

　　The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside them is numbered."

　　"I think librarians are the easiest," said the second. "When you open them up, all their organs are arranged alphabetically1."

　　The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. Their organs are color-coded."

　　"You're all wrong," said, the fourth. "Lawyers are easiest. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asset are interchangeable."

　　四個(gè)醫(yī)生邊喝咖啡休息邊討論他們的工作。

　　第一個(gè)說(shuō)，“我認(rèn)為給會(huì)計(jì)手術(shù)最容易,因?yàn)樗麄兊钠鞴俣加芯幪?hào)。”

　　“我覺(jué)得圖書管理員最容易司法英語(yǔ)笑話司法英語(yǔ)笑話。”第二個(gè)說(shuō), “他們的器官都按字母順序排列。”

　　第三個(gè)醫(yī)生說(shuō)，“我喜歡給電工手術(shù)，他們的器官都有帶顏色的編碼

　　“你們都錯(cuò)了”，第四個(gè)說(shuō)，“律師是最容易的，他們沒(méi)心、沒(méi)腸、沒(méi)骨頭，而且他們的腦子用錢就能換掉。”

　　2、Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?

　　Witness1: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.

　　律師：你說(shuō)你離事故現(xiàn)場(chǎng)約有35英尺，你能看清多遠(yuǎn)的東西?

　　證人：這么說(shuō)吧，早上起床后我看見(jiàn)太陽(yáng)，別人告訴我這大約有9300萬(wàn)英里遠(yuǎn)。

　　3、An American attorney1 had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked. "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then suel the landowners for lots of money?"

　　Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partners and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

　　"No, no." one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

　　一位美國(guó)律師剛結(jié)束他在意大利一所法律學(xué)校的客座演講，就有一位意大利律師走近他問(wèn)：“聽(tīng)說(shuō)在你們國(guó)家里，一個(gè)人跌倒在人行道上，他就會(huì)起訴這塊地的所有者賠償很多錢，這是真的嗎?”

　　得知這是真的后，意大利律師轉(zhuǎn)向他的同行開始用意大利語(yǔ)快速談?wù)撈饋?lái)。當(dāng)他們停下來(lái)后，美國(guó)律師問(wèn)他們是否想去美國(guó)做法律工作司法英語(yǔ)笑話笑話大全。

　　“不，不，”有一個(gè)人回答說(shuō)，“我們要去美國(guó)跌倒在人行道上。”

　　長(zhǎng)篇英語(yǔ)笑話故事精品

　　1、A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

　　The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

　　Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

　　一名新警察與老警察開著警車第一次出去巡邏。 他們得到命令去疏散一群閑逛的人，于是他們開車去了那條街，看到路口站著一群人。

　　新警察搖下窗戶：“大家注意了，快離開這里。”人們看了他幾眼，沒(méi)理他。他喊起來(lái)：“離開這里，馬上離開!”大家都不知道怎么回事，但是在他的威脅下還是離開了。

　　新警察對(duì)他第一次執(zhí)行公務(wù)的結(jié)果很滿意，對(duì)老警察說(shuō)：“我干得怎么樣?”“你做得很好，”老警察笑著說(shuō)，“尤其是在公共汽車站。”

　　2、A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.

　　After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays."

　　The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the kays." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

　　我的一位朋友在給一個(gè)成人學(xué)生班級(jí)上英語(yǔ)課每日精品英語(yǔ)笑話每日精品英語(yǔ)笑話。他們都是新近來(lái)美國(guó)生活的。

　　在一張桌子上擺了許多日常用品之后，他請(qǐng)全班同學(xué)給他挑出尺子，書本，鋼筆等。課進(jìn)行得井然有序，學(xué)生們對(duì)自己所做的似乎很感興趣，也很認(rèn)真。后來(lái)輪到一名來(lái)自意大利的學(xué)生，我的朋友說(shuō)：“給我鑰匙

　　那人看起來(lái)非常吃驚，也有點(diǎn)手足無(wú)措?？吹竭@種情況，我的朋友想是他沒(méi)有聽(tīng)清楚，于是又重復(fù)了一遍：“給我鑰匙。”那位意大利學(xué)生聳了聳肩。接著，他伸出胳膊摟住老師的脖子在雙頰上親了兩下

　　3、An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?'

　　'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.'

　　The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.'

　　'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.'

　　'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'

　　一位耳聾并且總是嫌?xùn)|西太貴的老太太走進(jìn)一家商店每日精品英語(yǔ)笑話笑話大全。 她問(wèn)店員：“這東西要多少錢?”

　　“七美元，太太，這是很便宜的。”

　　老太太說(shuō)：“太貴了，十四美元差不多。”

　　店員忙說(shuō)：“我沒(méi)說(shuō)十七美元，是七美元。”

　　“還是太貴，”老太太說(shuō)：“五美元，我就買啦。”