讓人笑得直不起腰的英語(yǔ)笑話
英語(yǔ)笑話作為良好的英語(yǔ)教學(xué)素材應(yīng)該可以被廣泛的運(yùn)用到英語(yǔ)教學(xué)中。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編帶來(lái)的讓人笑得直不起腰的英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎閱讀!
讓人笑得直不起腰的英語(yǔ)笑話篇一
Where Do You Keep Yours? 你的東西放到哪兒去了?
The famous, but rather aged, doctor was making his rounds, followed by a young intern. Suddenly the intern noticed something peculiar.
一位上了年紀(jì)的著名醫(yī)生正在各病房做例行巡視，一位年輕的實(shí)習(xí)醫(yī)生跟著他，突然那名實(shí)習(xí)醫(yī)生注意到一件怪事。
“Say, doctor, are you aware that you have a suppository behind your ear?”
“醫(yī)師先生，您有沒(méi)發(fā)現(xiàn)您耳朵放了一支栓劑呢?”
“Oh, shit!” exclaimed the eminent practitioner. “Do you know what this means?”
“喔!真是糟糕!”那位名醫(yī)說(shuō)道“，你知道那表示什么嗎?”
“What?”
“什么呢?”
“Some asshole has got my pen!”
“我把我的鋼筆塞到某一位病人的屁股里面去了!”
讓人笑得直不起腰的英語(yǔ)笑話篇二
We’re in the Same Boat 同病相憐
The young man was terribly self-conscious because he had a wooden eye. His friends would often invite him dance parties, but he could never work up the courage to ask a girl to dance.
一位年輕人因?yàn)樗兄荒局频难劬Χ械椒浅Ｗ员?。他的朋友常?huì)邀請(qǐng)他參加舞會(huì)，但他從沒(méi)能鼓起勇氣邀請(qǐng)女孩子跳舞。
But then, one evening, he spotted a girl with a wooden leg sitting sadly by herself. Apprehensively, he walked up to her and asked, “Would you like to dance?”
有一晚，他卻不經(jīng)意看見一位裝了一只木制義肢的女孩獨(dú)自傷心地坐在角落。他很謹(jǐn)慎地走向她問(wèn)道“：你要不要跳舞呀?”
“Would I?!”she exclaimed.
“我要不要?”她驚叫。
“Oh, yeah? Well, you’ve got a wooden leg!”
“哦，怎么了 ?你有一只木制的義肢——(而我有一只木制的假眼，咱們應(yīng)是天生的一對(duì)嘛!)。”
讓人笑得直不起腰的英語(yǔ)笑話篇三
Its Advantages 老馬識(shí)途
A young vice-president of a bad had embezzled 0,000, and squandered it at the race track. The bank examiners were due the next day, and there was no way he could conceal his crime. What’s more, when he told the sad tale to his wife, she packed her bags and left him.
一位年輕的銀行副總裁挪用了二十萬(wàn)美金的公款，并悉數(shù)浪費(fèi)在賽馬上，銀行的督察第二天就要來(lái)視察，而他也沒(méi)辦法隱瞞他的不法行為。更糟的是，當(dāng)他把此一不幸的消息告訴他老婆時(shí)，她竟收拾行李，離他而去。
Totally despondent, the young man headed for the nearest bridge and prepared to throw himself into the river. Just as he was about to leap off, a hideous old hag ran up to him, shouting for him to stop.
年輕人非常沮喪地走向離家最近的一座橋想投河自盡。就在他要跳下水時(shí)，一位面目可憎的老巫婆跑上前去，制止了他的行動(dòng)。
“You don’t understand,” explained the banker, and told her about his predicament.
“你不了解我的痛苦，”銀行家說(shuō)道，并且把他的困境告訴老巫婆。
“Ha-ha,” chortled the hag. “Why, that’s nothing. It just so happens that I’m a witch, and I can solve all you problems.”
“哈哈!”巫婆咯咯地笑“，那也沒(méi)什么，剛好我是個(gè)女巫，我可以解決你所有的難題。”
The witch seemed to concentrate, made some mystic signs and uttered a series of bizarre phrases.
接著女巫似乎全神專注地在空中比劃一些玄妙的符號(hào)，口中還念著一大串奇怪的話。
“There you are,” she said triumphantly. “Not only is the money returned, but there’s another 0,000 in your safe deposit box. And your wife is back at home and the whole matter has been erased from her memory.”
“你的問(wèn)題我都幫你解決了，”她得意洋洋地說(shuō)道“，不僅要回了你那二十萬(wàn)，你的保險(xiǎn)柜里面還多了二十萬(wàn)美金!你太太也已回家，而且我已從她的記憶中除去了這件不愉快的事!”
“My God, can this really be true?” exclaimed the man.
“我的天啊，你說(shuō)的是真的嗎?”那個(gè)人說(shuō)道。
“Of course,” replied the hag. “But if you want to keep it true, you must do one thing. You must take me to a hotel and screw my brains out.”
“當(dāng)然啦!”巫婆回答道“，但是你如果要我保持目前這個(gè)狀況的話，就必須答應(yīng)我一件事，帶我到旅社并和我做愛一個(gè)晚上。”
The man gulped, for the old woman was truly hideous, and smelt horrible as well. But seeing no alternative, he did as she requested, and holding his nose and averting his eyes, performed his duty manfully all night.
那個(gè)老兄吞了一口口水，因?yàn)榕撞坏L(zhǎng)像可怕，而且渾身臭氣逼人。由于別無(wú)選擇，他答應(yīng)了她的要求，整個(gè)晚上他屏住氣息，別過(guò)臉避開巫婆的視線，不停地履行他的承諾。
In the morning, as he was getting dressed, the repulsive crone turned to him and said, “Sonny, how old are you anyway?”
隔天早上，銀行家正在穿衣服，那令人厭惡的丑老太婆面向他問(wèn)道“：小老弟，你究竟多大年紀(jì)呢?”
“Thirty-three,” replied the executive.
“三十三，”老兄答道。
“And don’t you think you’re a little bit old to believe in withes?”
你不認(rèn)為你實(shí)在年長(zhǎng)得可以不相信有巫婆的存在了嗎?”
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