中長(zhǎng)篇的英語笑話大全
中長(zhǎng)篇的英語笑話大全
笑話是民族文化不可或缺的一部分。透過笑話我們可以看到一個(gè)民族的生存環(huán)境、生活方式、社會(huì)關(guān)系和心理特征等等。學(xué)習(xí)啦小編分享中長(zhǎng)篇的英語笑話，希望可以幫助大家!
中長(zhǎng)篇的英語笑話：Wish You a Merry...Chrismukah?
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreidel will be the more generic: "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."
中長(zhǎng)篇的英語笑話：The Athiest
One beautiful morning a athiest was walking through the forest, admiring natures surroundings...
He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind high above him and smiled...
He saw the river glisten in the sun twinkle like a new born star and it made him warm inside...
He thought to himself that mother nature had made a true and wonderful world...
The athiest had walked a little further down the track he had taken when suddenly a bear jumped out of the bushes only a few yards ahead of him and started growling, looking hungry and ran quickly towards him...
Seeing the big bear bounding towards him he screamed in horror and started running as fast as he could away from the bear...
Knowing that the bear would catch up to him and he had no chance, the athiest soon ran out of breath and in a few paces fell to the ground...
As the bears shadow fell upon his face and his paws come down upon his chest, the athiest screamed
"oh help me god"
Suddenly the trees that he so much admired stopped swaying...
The river he loved suddenly stopped flowing..
And the sky opened up and a voice begun to speak..
"I am god, and even though you dont believe in me, i am here for every being on this earth"
The athiest felt relieved a little bit and asked god...
"Im sort of in this situation, im only asking if you can help me get out of it"
God thought for a moment and said...
"I will give you one wish to help you and that is all, you may proceed with this wish"
The athiest thought about this wish for a moment and then spoke to god..
" Well i dont really want to become a christian, so i wish the bear to become a christian"
God spoke...
"So be it done"
Suddenly the sky closed up...
The river turned back into its flowing glory...
The trees began to sway again...
And the bear clapped his paws together and said...
"Thankyou god for this meal im about to recieve"
中長(zhǎng)篇的英語笑話：Welcome At Church?
Three couples -- one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed -- wanted to join a church. The priest said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all, Father."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest.
The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yep, we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the priest.
The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.
"What happened?" inquired the priest.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it," said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the priest.
"We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."
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