學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理了一些經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話，讓你開(kāi)心每一天!

　　英語(yǔ)笑話一：《律師、寶馬和胳膊》

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　一個(gè)律師打開(kāi)他的寶馬車門(mén)，突然一輛汽車駛過(guò)來(lái)把門(mén)撞飛了，警察趕到現(xiàn)場(chǎng)，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛(ài)的寶馬。

　　“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說(shuō)。

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　“你們律師真是物質(zhì)至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說(shuō)，“你這么關(guān)心你可惡的寶馬，你可能沒(méi)有注意到你的左胳膊也沒(méi)了。”

　　律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話二：The New Teacher

　　George comes from school on the first of September.

　　9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。

　　George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

　　“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問(wèn)

　　I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and thre

　　英語(yǔ)笑話三：有兩條褲子

　　A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

　　丈夫下班回到家里，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的新娘心緒煩亂。“我心里太難受了，”她說(shuō)。“我在給你熨西裝時(shí)把褲子的臀部燒了個(gè)大洞。”

　　“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

　　“沒(méi)事兒，”丈夫安慰她說(shuō)。“你忘了我這套衣服有兩條褲子。”

　　“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”

　　“是的，”妻子高興地說(shuō)，“幸虧你還有一條，我后來(lái)就用它來(lái)補(bǔ)了這個(gè)洞了。”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話四：死于肝癌的人100%都吃飯

　　Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of

　　those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.

　　妻子：你瞧，根據(jù)這報(bào)上登的統(tǒng)計(jì)數(shù)字，那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。

　　Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat

　　meals.

　　丈夫：那就不錯(cuò)了。據(jù)我調(diào)查，所有這些人都吃飯呢。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話五：Good Sight 好視力

　　Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?

　　Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.

　　律師：你說(shuō)你離事故現(xiàn)場(chǎng)約有35英尺，你能看清多遠(yuǎn)的東西?

　　證人：這么說(shuō)吧，早上起床后我看見(jiàn)太陽(yáng)，別人告訴我這大約有9300萬(wàn)英里遠(yuǎn)。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話六：來(lái)信

　　Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:

　　″I have known many an instance(實(shí)例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″

　　一個(gè)星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的幾封信。他打開(kāi)其中一封,發(fā)現(xiàn)信中只寫(xiě)著“傻瓜”兩個(gè)字。

　　他平靜而認(rèn)真地把這件事告訴教友們：“寫(xiě)信時(shí)忘了簽名的人,我遇到過(guò)很多,但只簽了名卻忘了寫(xiě)信的人,我還是頭一次遇到。”

　　Customer: Waiter, I can't find any oysters in this oyster stew.

　　Waiter: Well, you wouldn't expect to find any angels in an angel food cake, would you?

　　顧客：服務(wù)員，我這個(gè)牡蠣燉菜里怎么沒(méi)有牡蠣?

　　服務(wù)員：是啊，你不會(huì)指望在天使蛋糕里發(fā)現(xiàn)天使吧?

　　英語(yǔ)笑話七：玫瑰

　　On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman.

　　Are these for your wife, sir? she asked.

　　Yes, I said.

　　For her birthday? she asked.

　　No, I replied.

　　For your anniversary?

　　No, I said again.

　　As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, I hope she forgives you.

　　一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些剛剪下來(lái)的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走進(jìn)店里，一個(gè)年輕的女售貨員跟我打了個(gè)招呼。

　　先生，這些是送給你妻子的嗎?她問(wèn)道。

　　是的，我說(shuō)。

　　她的生日?她問(wèn)。

　　不是，我回答。

　　你們的結(jié)婚紀(jì)念日?

　　不是，我又答道。

　　當(dāng)我將找回的錢(qián)裝進(jìn)口袋，朝門(mén)口走去時(shí)，那年輕的女人沖我喊道：希望她能原諒你。