雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：腦移植 A Brain Transplant

　　The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

　　"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For 00 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for ,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

　　The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

　　The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

　　一個(gè)外科醫(yī)生正要作一個(gè)腦移植手術(shù)。

　　“你可以從兩個(gè)腦子中選一個(gè)給你。”醫(yī)生告訴病人，“一個(gè)心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個(gè)政治家的大腦10000美元。

　　病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問(wèn)。

　　醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“不是好一些，只是沒(méi)有用過(guò)。”

　　雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：最丑的孩子

　　A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

　　一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車(chē)，司機(jī)看到后說(shuō)：“額，那是我這輩子見(jiàn)過(guò)的最丑的小孩。”

　　The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

　　女士走到車(chē)廂后面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對(duì)旁邊的男士說(shuō)：“司機(jī)剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應(yīng)說(shuō)：“你快上去斥責(zé)他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”

　　雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：我娶了你的姐妹

　　A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

　　一位婦人發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫回家的時(shí)候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個(gè)毛病。一個(gè)萬(wàn)圣節(jié)夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹(shù)后，準(zhǔn)備在丈夫返家時(shí)攔截他的去路。

　　When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

　　當(dāng)丈夫走近時(shí)，她從樹(shù)后跳出來(lái)，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身后有長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。

　　"Who are you?" he asked.

　　“你是誰(shuí)?”丈夫問(wèn)到。

　　"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

　　“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

　　"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

　　“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說(shuō)，“我娶了你的姐妹!”

　　雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：小女孩的愿望

　　On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.

　　在觀看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼兒園老師問(wèn)學(xué)生的觀后感。班上最小的女孩說(shuō)，她希望舞蹈演員可以長(zhǎng)得更高一點(diǎn)兒，那么他們就不用整天踮著腳尖了。

　　雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：狗也知道這個(gè)諺語(yǔ)嗎?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”

　　雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：不是我的錯(cuò)

　　It's not my fault

　　Mother (reprimanding訓(xùn)斥，譴責(zé) her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.

　　Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.

　　不是我的錯(cuò)

　　媽媽(正教訓(xùn)她的女兒)：你不該拽貓的尾巴。

　　女兒：媽?zhuān)抑皇俏罩埼舶停约涸谧А?/p>

　　雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：父親在哪?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫(huà)。

　　“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫(huà)多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫(huà)中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了一會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫(huà)這些畫(huà)唄。”

　　雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：兩塊蛋糕

　　Two Pieces of Cake

　　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

　　Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

　　兩塊蛋糕

　　湯姆：媽媽?zhuān)铱梢猿詢(xún)蓧K蛋糕嗎?

　　媽媽?zhuān)寒?dāng)然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!

　　雷死你的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：I do not recognize you

　　Walking on the beach one day he saw a crab1, went to see what happens, suddenly crab pincers(鉗子) folder2, then crab bush run. Tiger jumped the pain, followed by the recovery of crabs3!

　　Catch up with no trees on the crab, and then to see a tiger in Shou Network spiders, tiger angry at Spider: Good you a crab! Do you think you posted on the Web and I do not recognize you!

　　一天老虎在沙灘散步，見(jiàn)到一只螃蟹，就走過(guò)去想看個(gè)究竟，突然被螃蟹的鉗子夾了一下，螃蟹拔腿就往樹(shù)叢里跑。老虎痛得跳起來(lái)了，緊接著就追螃蟹!

　　追到樹(shù)叢就不見(jiàn)螃蟹了，這時(shí)老虎看見(jiàn)一只守在大網(wǎng)中的蜘蛛，老虎對(duì)著蜘蛛發(fā)火了：好你個(gè)螃蟹!你以為你上了網(wǎng)我就不認(rèn)得你了!