下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'

　　這里想對(duì)將要退休者提一點(diǎn)忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，千萬(wàn)別進(jìn)退休社區(qū)。因?yàn)槟抢锶巳硕计甙耸畾q或者八九十歲了。每當(dāng)要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時(shí)，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧。”

　　Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?

　　Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.

　　Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?

　　Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.

　　媽媽：弗雷迪，你的臉為什么那么紅?

　　弗雷迪：我剛才在大街上跑，為的是阻止一次打架?

　　媽媽：你做的對(duì)，誰(shuí)和誰(shuí)在打架。

　　弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　有個(gè)人不小心撞了一個(gè)外國(guó)人。

　　他：I'm sorry

　　外:I'm sorry ,too.

　　他:I'm sorry ,three

　　外:What are you sorry for ?

　　他:I'm sorry ,five.

　　相當(dāng)簡(jiǎn)單~

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：A Smart Parrot 聰明的鸚鵡

　　A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

　　"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

　　"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.

　　有個(gè)人去寵物店買鸚鵡。在那里，他看見(jiàn)有只鸚鵡的左腿被紅線系住，右腿則被綠線系住。對(duì)此他感到不解，于是他問(wèn)該店的老板，老板回答說(shuō)：“這只鸚鵡受過(guò)特殊的訓(xùn)練。如果拉紅線，它就講法語(yǔ)，拉綠線，它則講德語(yǔ)。”

　　這個(gè)好奇的人接著問(wèn)，“要是我兩條線都拉，會(huì)怎么樣呢?”

　　“我就會(huì)掉下來(lái)了，你這個(gè)傻瓜!!”鸚鵡尖叫著說(shuō)。

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：Not so fast 別那么急嘛

　　A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(歡慶的) charity event was taking place.

　　Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

　　"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"

　　"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."

　　一只豬和一只雞路過(guò)一所教堂，那里有一場(chǎng)盛大慈善活動(dòng)正在進(jìn)行著。

　　在精神上收到觸動(dòng)的豬向小雞提出建議：他們每個(gè)人作出點(diǎn)自己的貢獻(xiàn)。

　　“好主意!”雞尖叫道，“讓我們給腿和雞蛋吧?”

　　“著什么急”豬不耐煩地說(shuō)，“對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)，是一個(gè)貢獻(xiàn)，對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，這是一個(gè)完全的獻(xiàn)身。”

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：The boy and the snails 男孩和蝸牛

　　A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

　　一個(gè)鄉(xiāng)下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當(dāng)他雙手都塞滿了蝸牛后，就準(zhǔn)備點(diǎn)火烤著吃?；瘘c(diǎn)著了，蝸牛也開始感覺(jué)到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅(jiān)殼的深處，同時(shí)還發(fā)出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子聽(tīng)到了蝸牛發(fā)出的噓聲，便說(shuō)：“你們這些連命都快沒(méi)有的家伙，怎么還能有心情在窩里著火時(shí)吹口哨呢?”

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩爭(zhēng)論

　　A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

　　The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

　　The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

　　Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

　　The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

　　The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

　　The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

　　一個(gè)小女孩和她的老師正在談?wù)撚嘘P(guān)鯨魚的事情。

　　她的老師說(shuō)：“一頭鯨魚從身體構(gòu)造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個(gè)人的。因?yàn)楸M管鯨魚是一種非常巨大的哺乳動(dòng)物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

　　那個(gè)小女孩說(shuō)約拿(一位西伯來(lái)先知)就是被鯨魚吞掉的。

　　她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說(shuō)：“從身體構(gòu)造角度來(lái)講，鯨魚是不可能吞掉一個(gè)人的。”

　　那個(gè)小女孩說(shuō)：“那等我到了天堂，就去問(wèn)問(wèn)約拿。”

　　她的老師問(wèn)：“那么，假如約拿下了地獄怎么辦?”

　　那個(gè)小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話，你就去問(wèn)他。”

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：A Duel 決斗

　　Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

　　It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

　　"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

　　"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

　　小彼得從操場(chǎng)回到家時(shí)，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

　　顯然他剛與人惡斗了一番，而且打輸了。父親問(wèn)兒子發(fā)生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得說(shuō)，我向拉里挑起決斗，而且我讓他挑選武器。”

　　“嗯，”父親說(shuō)，“這看上去很公平!”

　　“我知道，但我沒(méi)想到他選擇了他姐姐!”

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：Neither 都不是

　　It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.

　　At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"

　　"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."

　　正值當(dāng)?shù)馗?jìng)選時(shí)期，候選人到他的區(qū)域的千家萬(wàn)戶登門拜訪。

　　候選人來(lái)到了一家門口，一個(gè)小男孩開了門。“告訴我，年輕人，”候選人問(wèn)道，“你母親是在共和黨還是在民主黨?”

　　“都不是，”孩子答到，“她在浴室。”

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：太晚了 It's Too Late

　　A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

　　A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."

　　一個(gè)醫(yī)科學(xué)生被要求說(shuō)明他給病人服的那種藥的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒。”

　　一分鐘后，這個(gè)學(xué)生問(wèn)教授：“我可以改正我的回答嗎?”教授看看手表，說(shuō)：“太晚啦，你的病人已在30秒鐘以前死了。”

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：因禍得福 To Profit from a Misfortune

　　A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

　　At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

　　The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

　　有一個(gè)人很粗心，老是打爛東西。他已失業(yè)好幾個(gè)月了。

　　最后他在一個(gè)瓷器店找到了一個(gè)工作?？墒遣鸥闪藥滋欤痛驙€了一個(gè)很大的花瓶。

　　經(jīng)理把他到辦公室去，告訴他每個(gè)星期都要扣他的工錢，直到賠償夠了為止。他就問(wèn)：“那個(gè)花瓶值多少錢?”經(jīng)理說(shuō)：“值500美元。”他很高興地說(shuō)：“啊!太妙了，我非常高興，終于有個(gè)穩(wěn)定的工作啦。”

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：我干得怎么樣 How did I do

　　A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

　　The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

　　Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

　　一名新警察與老警察開著警車第一次出去巡邏。 他們得到命令去疏散一群閑逛的人，于是他們開車去了那條街，看到路口站著一群人。

　　新警察搖下窗戶：“大家注意了，快離開這里。”人們看了他幾眼，沒(méi)理他。他喊起來(lái)：“離開這里，馬上離開!”大家都不知道怎么回事，但是在他的威脅下還是離開了。

　　新警察對(duì)他第一次執(zhí)行公務(wù)的結(jié)果很滿意，對(duì)老警察說(shuō)：“我干得怎么樣?”“你做得很好，”老警察笑著說(shuō)，“尤其是在公共汽車站。”

　　五年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話：我可以回家了

　　Now i can go home

　　One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”

　　我 可 以 回 家 了

　　一天，放學(xué)以后，老師對(duì)他的學(xué)生們說(shuō)：“明天上午，如果你們當(dāng)中的任何一個(gè)同學(xué)能回答我的第一個(gè)問(wèn)題，我就準(zhǔn)許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進(jìn)教室時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)黑板已被亂涂，他非常生氣地問(wèn)：“誰(shuí)涂的? 請(qǐng)站起來(lái)。”鮑勃說(shuō)：“先生，是我，現(xiàn)在我可以回家了，再見(jiàn)。”