英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：兩顆番茄

　　he first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?"

　　兩顆番茄去逛街，第一顆番茄突然走得很快，第二顆番茄就問(wèn)：“我們要去哪里?” 第一顆番茄沒(méi)有回答，第二顆番茄又問(wèn)了一次。 第一顆番茄還沒(méi)回答，所以第二顆番茄又問(wèn)了一次。 第一顆番茄終于慢慢轉(zhuǎn)頭說(shuō)：“我們不是番茄嗎?我們會(huì)說(shuō)話嗎?”

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：相同的職責(zé)

　　The Same DutiesA retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

　　相同的職責(zé)一個(gè)退休的四星級(jí)將軍在曼哈頓的一個(gè)酒吧偶然地遇到了他以前的勤務(wù)兵，勤務(wù)兵也退休在家。這位將軍花了一整個(gè)晚上的時(shí)間來(lái)說(shuō)服他回來(lái)做他的貼身隨從。“你的職責(zé)與在軍隊(duì)時(shí)完全一樣，”將軍說(shuō)，“這沒(méi)什么，你很快就會(huì)再次理解它的。” 第二天早晨八點(diǎn)鐘時(shí)，前勤務(wù)兵迅速地進(jìn)到前將軍的臥室，拉開窗簾，輕輕地?fù)u了搖將軍，然后大步走到床的另一側(cè)，在他雇主的妻子屁股上拍了一下，說(shuō)道：“好了，甜心，你該回到村莊去了。”

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：你爺爺

　　A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price."Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it doesn't matter you have a lot of money. You are still son of somebody, and grandson of somebody else."The young man raged: "Dare you! Tell me, who wants me to be his grandson?"The waiter replied with ease: "Nobody. Just your grandfather."

　　一位衣冠楚楚的年青人一進(jìn)飯店就大聲嚷嚷：“喂，有什么好菜盡管端上來(lái)，錢多少我不在乎。”服務(wù)員聽(tīng)了很不是滋味：“哥兒們，錢多頂個(gè)屁，你不照樣得做別人的兒子，就是有人要你做孫子你也不敢不做!”年青人勃然大怒：“誰(shuí)敢占老子的便宜?你說(shuō)，是誰(shuí)不要命了，膽敢要老子做他的孫子?”服務(wù)員慢條斯理地答道：“你爺爺!”

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：她要買什么

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll have somesoon, We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything say we've got it on order and it's coming.Now what was it she wanted? Rain, said the clerk.

　　一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽(tīng)見(jiàn)一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說(shuō)：不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒(méi)有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來(lái)也不會(huì)有。經(jīng)理驚恐萬(wàn)分地跑到顧客跟前說(shuō)：當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨。然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)不要說(shuō)我們沒(méi)有什么，說(shuō)我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到?，F(xiàn)在你說(shuō)她要買什么? 雨，店員說(shuō)。

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)了

　　The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud."

　　"How will that help?" said the second boy.

　　"Just do it," insisted the first.

　　Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

　　兩個(gè)男孩子在后院露營(yíng)，他們不知道到了晚上幾點(diǎn)鐘。于是，一個(gè)男孩對(duì)另外一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我們開始大聲唱歌就行了。”

　　“那就會(huì)知道時(shí)間嗎?”第二個(gè)男孩問(wèn)。

　　“只管唱吧。”第一個(gè)堅(jiān)持道。

　　兩個(gè)孩子開始大聲唱歌，過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)鄰居打開窗戶喊道：“小聲點(diǎn)!你們不知道現(xiàn)在是凌晨三點(diǎn)嗎?”

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：是我把他晾干

　　Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

　　When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

　　"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

　　Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

　　Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天，他們沿著醫(yī)院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水區(qū)，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潛到水底，把Jim拉了上來(lái)。

　　當(dāng)院長(zhǎng)聽(tīng)聞了Mary的英勇行為后，他立刻翻看了她的病歷檔案,把她叫進(jìn)了自己的辦公室.

　　“Mary，我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息要告訴你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，這說(shuō)明你的意識(shí)已經(jīng)恢復(fù)了，你可以出院了。壞消息就是，Jim，你救的那個(gè)病人，他還是用自己的浴袍帶子在浴室上吊自殺了。”

　　Mary說(shuō)：“他沒(méi)有自殺，是我把他吊起來(lái)好讓他晾干。”

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：A Woman's answer

　　A husband said to his wife, " Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish?"

　　"Well," his wife answered at once." The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."

　　一位丈夫?qū)λ钠拮诱f(shuō)：“為什么上帝把婦女創(chuàng)造得如此美麗卻又愚蠢呢?” “噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很簡(jiǎn)單。上帝使我們?nèi)绱嗣利?，男人才?huì)愛(ài)我們。上帝使我們?nèi)绱擞薮?，我們才?huì)嫁給他們。”

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：Only One Eye to Settle On

　　The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"

　　"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.

　　姑娘找到媒人，說(shuō)：“你欺騙了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前為什么不告訴我?” “怎么沒(méi)告訴你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你們第一回見(jiàn)面后，我就說(shuō)，他一眼就看中你了。”

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：You May Select可以選擇

　　The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.

　　One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?"

　　The wife said, "You may select the dish today."

　　The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"

　　"Cabbage."

　　"The others?"

　　"None."

　　"Then how to select?"

　　"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.

　　丈夫抱怨妻子總是做同樣的一種菜。

　　一天，丈夫回到家，問(wèn)妻子：“親愛(ài)的，今天我們吃啥菜?”

　　妻子回答：“今天你可以選擇。” 丈夫感到非常高興，又問(wèn)：“都有哪些菜呢?”

　　“炒白菜。”

　　“還有呢?”

　　“沒(méi)了。”

　　“那你要我怎么選呢?”

　　“吃還是不吃!”妻子一本正經(jīng)地說(shuō)道。

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：Two roaches 兩只蟑螂

　　Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

　　兩只蟑螂正在一條小巷的垃圾堆上大吃著，其中的一只談起了它在一家新開張的餐館里的經(jīng)歷。“那時(shí)我在街對(duì)面的那家新餐館里，”它說(shuō)。“那里太干凈了!廚房沒(méi)有一點(diǎn)污漬，地面閃著白光。任何地方都沒(méi)有垃圾。那里是如此干凈，整個(gè)地方都在發(fā)光。”“請(qǐng)不要在我吃東西的時(shí)候說(shuō)這個(gè)好嗎?”另一只蟑螂不悅地說(shuō)。

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：我需要器官移植

　　The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

　　這個(gè)病人顯得很堅(jiān)決。“醫(yī)生，我需要做肝臟移植、腎臟移植、心臟移植、角膜移植、脾臟移植、胰腺移植和……” “你為什么認(rèn)為你需要做這么多移植手術(shù)?”病人回答：“哦，是這樣，我的老板說(shuō)如果我這個(gè)人不重新組裝的話，就別想保住我的工作!”

　　英語(yǔ)課堂幽默笑話：埋在花園里的槍

　　Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

　　一個(gè)老人獨(dú)居在北愛(ài)爾蘭，他的獨(dú)生子正在坐牢。老人想在花園里種些土豆，但不知道誰(shuí)可以幫忙把泥土翻松。他寫信想兒子提及此事，兒子回信說(shuō)道：“看在上帝的面上，千萬(wàn)不要翻松花園的泥土，我把槍埋在那兒了。”第二天凌晨4點(diǎn)，一隊(duì)英國(guó)士兵出現(xiàn)在老人家中，在花園把土地翻遍，但并沒(méi)有找到任何槍支。” 老人寫信告訴兒子這件奇怪的事情，問(wèn)到底發(fā)生了什么事情，下一步應(yīng)該怎么做。 兒子回信道：“你只管種土豆好了。”