簡單的英語笑話

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的簡單的英語笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　簡單的英語笑話：Quick Cleanup快速清掃

　　Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub."

　　不速之客就在路上，我媽媽，一個完美的家庭主婦，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配給我爸和我哥哥的任務(wù)是打掃供客人使用的浴室。一會兒之后，當(dāng)她去檢查的時候，她吃驚了，曾經(jīng)一度雜亂的房間瞬間就被打掃干凈了。接著她看到浴簾上有一張紙條，紙條上寫著：“謝謝你沒往浴缸里看。”

　　簡單的英語笑話：Christmas Eve Service平安夜禮拜

　　Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"

　　就在我開始平安夜禱告時，教堂停電了。教堂里的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周圍。然后我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記后，我說：“剛才我講到哪兒了?”傳來一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了!”

　　簡單的英語笑話：Coins in American Currency 美國的硬幣

　　There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).

　　Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.

　　Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.

　　One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬幣是按下列幣值鑄造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。

　　硬幣也叫"零錢"，"小錢"，或"銀幣"，雖然它們不再是用銀子鑄成的?？偟恼f來，硬幣是通過大小來識別的，但總有人把十美分搞錯，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按幣值的大小順序排列。

　　還有一點要說明：你不能伸出手，托出一把紙幣和硬幣而希望別人從你那里拿走數(shù)目正確的零錢。這在任何西方國家都是不好的。

　　簡單的英語笑話：Now We Run 現(xiàn)在我們跑吧

　　A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"

　　一個牧師正沿著街走路，這時他看到街對面有個小男孩正試圖按一所房子的門鈴。但這個小孩太小了，門鈴又高，他夠不著。看到那個小男孩費了很多勁，牧師走近了他。牧師優(yōu)雅地穿過馬路，走到小家伙的背后，輕輕地把手放在小男孩肩頭，按響了門鈴。他彎下身子，微笑著問道：“接下來怎么辦，孩子?”小男孩回答說：“接下來我們跑。”

　　簡單的英語笑話：We Left Nothing 我們什么也沒留下

　　Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She

　　locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman

　　on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING."

　　When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:

　　"THANKS! WE HAVEN’T LEFT ANYTHING!"

　　布朗太太要外出一天。 她鎖好了房門，在門上給送牛奶的人釘了一張便條：“家里沒人，請不要留下任何東西!” 她當(dāng)天晚上回家后發(fā)現(xiàn)房間門被撞開，房子被洗劫一空。在她留給送奶人的便條上，她發(fā)現(xiàn)被補充了一句：“謝謝!我們什么也沒留下!”

　　簡單的英語笑話：你以為你是誰?Who do you think you are?

　　The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.

　　“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”

　　“I am the driver.” he said.

　　公共汽車上很擠，當(dāng)又一個人還是試圖上車時，乘客們不讓他上。

　　“車上太擠了，”他們喊道，“你以為你是誰?”

　　“我是司機!”他說。

　　簡單的英語笑話：瘋?cè)嗽?The Looney Bin

　　Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽?one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"

　　The first inmate said, "God told me!"

　　Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

　　一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪铮粋€病人說：“我是拿破侖!”另一個說：“你怎么知道?”第一個人說：“上帝對我說的!”一會兒，一個聲音從另一個房間傳來：“我沒說!”

　　簡單的英語笑話：我要做的一切就是付錢!All I do is pay

　　"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My

　　wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,

　　and my daughter is foreign secretary."

　　"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your

　　position?"

　　"I’m the people. All I do is pay."

　　布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子

　　是財政部長。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長，我女兒是外交秘書。”

　　“聽上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說，“那你的職務(wù)是什么呢?”

　　“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢。”

　　簡單的英語笑話：喂狗 For the Dog

　　The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.

　　"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"

　　"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"

　　一家人在飯館里吃過晚飯，父親把服務(wù)生叫了過來。

　　”先生，什么事?“服務(wù)生問。

　　”我兒子的盤子里剩下許多肉，“父親說，”能給我們一個袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“

　　”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動地叫喊著。”咱家養(yǎng)狗了嗎?“

　　簡單的英語笑話：腦移植 A Brain Transplant

　　The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

　　"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For 00 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for ,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

　　The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

　　The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

　　一個外科醫(yī)生正要作一個腦移植手術(shù)。

　　“你可以從兩個腦子中選一個給你。”醫(yī)生告訴病人，“一個心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個政治家的大腦10000美元。

　　病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問。

　　醫(yī)生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過。”

　　簡單的英語笑話：最丑的孩子

　　A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

　　一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車，司機看到后說：“額，那是我這輩子見過的最丑的小孩。”

　　The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

　　女士走到車廂后面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對旁邊的男士說：“司機剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應(yīng)說：“你快上去斥責(zé)他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”

　　簡單的英語笑話：我娶了你的姐妹

　　A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

　　一位婦人發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫回家的時候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個毛病。一個萬圣節(jié)夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹后，準(zhǔn)備在丈夫返家時攔截他的去路。

　　When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

　　當(dāng)丈夫走近時，她從樹后跳出來，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身后有長長的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。

　　"Who are you?" he asked.

　　“你是誰?”丈夫問到。

　　"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

　　“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

　　"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

　　“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說，“我娶了你的姐妹!”